please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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