Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
