dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
