I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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