You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I stole a fireplace last night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
