Do vagina's smell?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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