THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
