i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
