Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
