"it" just moved
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
