I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
