i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
