Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
