i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
