im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
