You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
