that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
