how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
