I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
