just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
