i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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