So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
