her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
