He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
