woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
