I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
