and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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