every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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