i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
