I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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