I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
