even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
