I will die if light touches me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
