Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
send nudes
from the living room?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
