I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize