He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
