just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
