yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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