Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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