look no pants
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
