The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
