are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
