ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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