Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
