Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
