if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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