I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
