Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
