his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
