i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
