I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
