Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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